Where do I begin? Let’s start with the basics. This is a wine that should not be purchased, and really not even produced. It has a lot of things going against it: it claims to be a Pinot Noir even though it’s from France, and it sells for less than $5, which all the way around should warn any sensible person away. The exact circumstances of the purchase went like this: my sister and I were standing in World Market and I was ranting about “French” wine companies putting the varietal rather than the Appellation on the bottle, when we saw this fantastic example. “How can that possibly be good?” I asked. “Maybe it’s not too bad,” Lisa said. Oh was she ever wrong.

Even at $4, this wine is extremely overpriced. It doesn’t smell so bad, and doesn’t appear watered down, but the taste, in Lisa’s words, is “like a glass of water that something died in.” I’ll admit that this isn’t far from the truth. Bland, pallid, tasting of the cheapest of cheap wines, there is really nothing positive either of us can think to say about this wine.

Lisa summed it up best when she said, “you just can’t really drink this wine without making a face.” Truth.  Truth. You may be tempted, but please don’t be. You may say, “Oh, look at this wine from France – it’s even inexpensive.” I’m considering going back to the store and checking to see if misread the display – I think they should have paid me to take this one off their hands. If not, at least I know a good lawyer for pain and suffering. Now to find the address to Lorval’s legal department…

Score: Not even worth putting a number down.